Lately I've been filling out a lot of scholarship essays about what I want todo with my life. When you fill all of those out, you try to sound so completely certain of everything. It's almost like you're putting on a front so that you'll be chosen.
All of it has really made me think. Am I certain of anything in my future? Because I'm me, I have had a plan for my life since I was old enough to talk. What happens if that plan doesn't work out? Uncertainty is one of my greatest fears. Some people fear death or pain. Others fear man, but I fear what I do not know.
I've always believed that God has a plan for my life but I don't know what that plan is. I can hope and plan but I can never be absolutely certain.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9
I've started doubting myself and my future. I've always believed Got wanted me to be a teacher, but what if that's just what I wanted? I could be an awful teacher. So what happens then? What if I am wrong?
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1
I have so many questions and so few answers. I hate not knowing, yet I am supposed to put my trust and faith in God. I keep praying that I'm making the right decisions. Still, I am completely unsure.
Sometimes I think I only want to be a teacher because I'm afraid to be anything else. I can't help but get overwhelmed by everything I think and feel. But then, there have been so many things and people throughout my life that have led me to the conclusion that I should be a teacher.
I have to face my uncertainty head on and believe with all of my heart, that whatever God wants for my life will happen. Everything I'm doing could be a huge mistake. We learn from our mistakes and take away experience and knowledge from different situations. What happens now, good or bad, will help us in the future.
Even something as horrible as someone's death can lead to life in a different way for someone else. The point is that even though I may be faced with doubt, no matter what happens, God will use me and my experiences for good.
It's like the principle that, For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Horrible things may happen to us, but the horrible leads to something ten times better.
As long as I pray and trust in God, everything will turn out right. I may have uncertainty in my life, but it only leads me right back to God for answers. It's hard to deal with. Accepting that I can't know or understand everything is difficult. But I don't know God's bigger plan. And I guess it's better that way. If I knew everything, what fun would life be?
"The Lord will guide you always." Isaiah 58:11
Ultimately I guess I just need to believe what God tells me.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8
The song by Sara Groves called "Hello Lord" pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. If you've never listened to it, you should. And really listen to the words.
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